The Bride and Groom call me Mama

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At the Bride's Parents' Home
October 3, 2009

Most of the bride's family members stay busy in the house, directing party helpers to keep the food and drink flowing, the photographers working with the event coordinator to make sure that they capture the moments. The bride had been "quarantined" in her room as a tradition until such time to appear according to the ceremonial guide. In the old days, she would be quarantined for 30 to 40 days prior to the wedding depending on the family tradition. I managed to slip in, and the bride welcome me with an emotion of gratitude and embraced me as her "adoptive" mama. Because her future husband (my nephew) calls me mama she follows suit. There couldn't be a better moment to establish this relationship than this very important occasion. With tears in her eyes, she said "Terimakasih, Mama".... I kissed both her cheeks and congratulated her with some words of advice, as a customary. In Javanese custom, you are not revered, as an elder, if you can't give words of advice to the younger ones, especially if they place you as a parent. Though I don't have any children of my own, I am blessed with a few "adoptive children" in Indonesia who call me mama and treat me as their "other" mom. From now on, Hesti Sari Dewi Kusuma Wulandari (the bride's given name) is treated as my own daughter. Her name is long, but we call her Wulan, short for Wulandari. I had encouraged her to start using Wulan Aditya Rangga after the wedding is over. So, we'll see.

The Jasmine and the Ceremonies

The muslim bride was covered almost from head to toe, showing only the face, hands, and feet, ready for the shower ceremony. On her shoulders are finely crocheted strands of jasmine buds with some drop-down strings of jasmines that start to blossom filling the air around her with soft natural fragrance.
The ceremony began with the bride asking her parents for their blessing by kneeling in front of them with her face touching the knees of the parent and kissing their hands while the parents are both sitting on the edge of the bed. This "sungkeman" is done in the privacy of the bride's room. Then the parents slowly, following the rythm of soft gamelan music, walk the bride out onto the "bathing throne". The bride is now sitting in the public view, as witnessed by all members of both families. Sitting in a row of 7 chairs next to her are her elders (those who are deemed to be qualified for giving her a bath). Laid on the ground were 7 clay urns called "kendi" containing pure water, which have come from 7 different natural water resources from 7 different directions to symbolize the hope of broad future for the married couple. It important that the water has not been processed in anyway so as to remain pure and natural, to symbolize the purity of the bride. Mixed in the pure water are three popular flowers which are commonly used for traditional ceremonies: Cempaka (ylang ylang), Kenanga (another type of ylang ylang), and Melati (jasmine). The Javanese people chose these flowers for the color white which symbolize purity and the nice fragrance for the occasion.
So many symbols and so many meanings, so many of which have been lost in the modern society that the younger generations in our family don't even know anymore what object in the ceremony symbolizes what. My sister, Iliek, who is the mother of the bride, naturally became the target for all of those questions that afternoon. She was trying to explain as she was recalling her memory, and once in a while we asked her jokingly.... "Are you sure?"... and everyone "tried not to laugh". The ceremony, though done rather formally and seriously, we laughed once in a while for we couldn't bear the fun in our hearts.


The Paparazi


We were all trying to sit in the front row so we can better capture the moments. But the hired photographer and video producer kept dominating the arena and guiltlessly blocked our view acting as though they were the one in charge of this whole ceremony. The assistant was even ignorant of our request to stand aside so as to not block our view, but he insisted on sitting right in front of us that I had to say something to him. Sure enough, I got more attention than necessary (I think). He reluctantly moved away, but later I could feel a bit of a tension between he and I throughout the events till the next day. But I was happy that
everyone was happy. Our friend Rod, the photography from Pasadena, was busy with his camera. I captured a picture of him taking picture of me. Then later I saw a picture of him taking a picture of another photographer who was taking a picture of his. I wonder who was taking the picture of them in action? There were so many cameras in action during this ceremony.